and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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