My brain says no but my pants say off.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The struggles of a small town man whore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
