There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
