No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just pee around me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
