like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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