is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I AM VODKA MAN
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
