4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
