i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
