I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
