so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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