...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
