She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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