We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
