Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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