OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
