SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
