just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
