No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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