Got a toothbrush?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
