Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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