Sober January is a disaster.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
