somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
