im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
