I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
