He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
