Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
