forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
