I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is wine microwaveable?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
then he tried to convert me to islam
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
