So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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