This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
