I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no you cant smoke seaweed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
