Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
