so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
