1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
