dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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