I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
