I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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