the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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