I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
