I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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