hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
