Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
