we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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