apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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