Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
