Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
