it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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