My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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