Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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