i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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