I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
