Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
