i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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