That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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