a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
