High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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