The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
