Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
