Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
