It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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