dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
barbara walters just said penis...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
