K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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