Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
