i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
