you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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