i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
