Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize