Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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