Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
