i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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