This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
