I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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